110. What To Do Now When “New” Isn’t Better | How to Reinvent Without Losing Yourself

Why are you listening? … Because you’ve been longing and waiting for change in your life. Eager to realize your potential and primed to get going for transformation to move into your best life ever at midlife-plus. So, kudos to you for recognizing your desire and readiness to act upon it. We know that passing through true change includes some discomfort; that is proven. However sometimes “discomfort” doesn’t adequately describe the process you begin. If you’ve been burned by change, significantly fear it or are obsessed with makeovers to the point of “burn it all down” mentality, it’s time to pause and reconsider what alternative path might be better for you, just you—the individual going through it.

To reclaim your potential and reach for whatever midlife-plus goal means the most to you with sound guidance, come work with me one-on-one! Just send an email to hello@laurieadamscoaching.com to schedule a no-pressure conversation/Q & A about individual coaching. We’ll explore the desires that have eluded you most, and the problem-solving actions that will be best, will be doable, just for you. That’s what I’m here for.

This episode was produced by The Podcast Teacher: www.ThePodcastTeacher.com.

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Hi, and welcome to the Fire Up at 55 Plus Podcast, a show about how to put yourself first in your second act of life. I'm Certified Life and Weight Loss Coach Lori Adams, here to empower you to let go of guilt, take charge of your health, then find and fulfill your dreams. It's never too late, so let's get started. Welcome back. This is Lori with episode number 110 of the Fire Up at 55 Plus, or maybe we should say Fire Up at Midlife Plus podcast. Because this episode is definitely a reminder that this is for all midlife and beyond women who are ready to change, but not quite sure if the change they've been hearing about the process is for them. Again, episode one ten titled What to Do Now When New Isn't Better or How to Reinvent Without Losing Yourself. So this is going to be a kind of quick episode, but it's very important because it's going to kick off my series on doable reinvention because of all the things that we have learned about positive psychology in the last few years and the way that I teach it, which is all about you reinventing without losing yourself. So we want to take all the tactics that we're going to explain again, or the ones that you hear about if you go back on the podcast, not necessary to go back. But we're going to make sure that you understand that you can do this for you. You changes that resonate with you. Okay. Why are you listening in the first place? Well, because you've been longing and waiting for change in your life. You're eager to realize your potential, and you're primed now to get going for a transformation to move into your best life ever at Midlife Plus. So kudos to you for recognizing your desire and your readiness to act upon it. We know we've talked about passing through true change, lasting change includes some discomfort. That is proven because your primitive brain wants to draw you back into comfort, into couch potato comfort sometimes, into comfort that maybe hasn't served you, but that you're familiar with. And that is proven. So again, passing through change includes getting out of that comfort, which is going to mean some discomfort, and it's proven. But sometimes discomfort isn't enough to adequately describe the process you begin or the process you've tried. If you've been burned by change, if you significantly fear it, or are obsessed with makeovers to the point of okay, burn it all down. If that's your mentality, it is time to pause and reconsider what alternative path to change might be better for you, just you, the individual going through it. You know, we have this cultural obsession with the reinvention, the makeovers, and the bias in coaching and self-help that we know of is to push your transformation, maybe too quickly. Okay, so sometimes that just isn't going to work for you. And we need to find some ways that you can change and make it truly doable. Okay, have I repeated this enough? Again, this is important to me that you know this as we launch into a series about changes. I don't want you to feel guilt or that you've left yourself down or that you need to start over again because you're not doing it the way you hear many people do it. Or when you take my words and you kind of filter them through your old way of thinking that there's got to be rules, and you turn them into rules, and then that means perfectionism, and that means it's almost impossible to do no no doable action. So again, we want to remember that women over fifty are more cautious, they may have had that change that was not for them. They're concerned, you're concerned about ageism, about burnout, and you have deep intuition, you have potential, but you have a knowing too. When you hear people talk about change or you start this path and you're just feeling, oh my gosh, this is just beyond discomfort. This just doesn't feel right for me. So I'm gonna start with myself. You know, not all change is bad, but not as all all is right for you. When I was trying to decide whether to leave my position toward the beginning of COVID after I'd been in a job for I don't know how many years was I there? Eight, nine years. You know, I just realized that I wanted to change because the job had changed, the company had changed, the pace had changed, the valuing of people in my position had changed. And this was mostly for the bottom line, I felt, but I kept going back to the rules. Well, if I just pedal harder, if I just work longer, then I will get a better feeling about this. Because work, strong work, ethic has always been my identity. But that's going back to rules and perfectionism that just wasn't going to work because the situation has changed. So at midlife you're gonna have some changes too. So please don't go back to those old ways and consider how you might be able to change, make a step forward without taking a step back to the old ways. Let's go back to the job situation. Maybe you switched jobs at some point in time, hoping for respect and fresh energy, but instead you got sidelined or micromanager. Maybe a new manager came in and promised support, but slowly made it clear that you were no longer part of the plan. If that's ever been you or afraid that you're afraid that it could be, you're not alone. We're constantly told that steps, change in jobs and such are good, and that transformation is the goal. But here's the truth we don't hear enough. Not all new beginnings are better beginnings. So you have a lot of value, of deep wisdom, real experience in your life, and yet a desire to transform and create your best life ever. So you want to know when to embrace change and when to stand your ground in what you know is not going to work for you. It's a skill that can save your future and your sanity, and it's also a part of your important identity going forward. What I mean by that is envision yourself in your best life ever. Envision yourself in a career change or a health change or a relationship change or so many changes that we talk about, or a change in the let's see, desire that has eluded you the most that you just haven't been able to do. So we're talking about moments when change backfires right now and how to reinvent on your terms. So I am going to be talking about a few people that have changed and have often known that they had to do a little bit beyond what people expected them to do, their own rules, like the perfectionum of the past. I mean, we've all heard for a makeover, a before and after. New hair, new goals, new habits. We are a culture of start fresh, and we've heard leap and the net will appear. Change is the only constant. Growth begins at the end of your comfort zone. I wouldn't say the end, I would say somewhere in the middle. Because the pressure to change can feel like a tidal wave. If you don't leap, people think you're lazy. If you don't quit that job, start that business, drop thirty pounds, or reinvent your entire wardrobe, somehow you're not keeping up. But I've told you there is no such thing as self-improvement. You are everything you need. There is such a thing in my mind as self-development. And that is something that you can embrace even when you're not doing it with the traditional coaching advice. Okay? Another job that I was in once was well when I was hired, because of my extensive skills in communication and leadership, I aced the interview, and my goodness, this job, I had to go through five interviews. I had glowing references, and I was really proud that I got past all those gates to get the job. But once I was in the door, the managers who had praised my resume suddenly seemed uninterested in using any of those skills, and I was handed minor tasks, given no role in true decision making, and passed over for projects I was clearly qualified for. It was confusing, disheartening, and honestly infuriating. So what could I do to change without just being the perfect good girl worker? Well, I read the room. That was the way that I made it doable for me. I started to observe who was chosen for projects and what projects were the most valuable in the environment. And then by doing that, I was able to take the deep breath, get over the stress, and just pursue it with curiosity to make change something I was invested in that felt right to me. And it worked. I was promoted, and I got to work on projects that were interesting, and when I was given a project that wasn't so interesting, I was able to make it clear in a good way, in the ways that I knew that my bosses liked to be communicated to, that that wasn't going to work so much. It was a happy situation by pursuing change in a way that we don't traditionally think of. So please consider this when you're moving forward in change. You don't have to do it the way you're told. You don't have to follow the rules, especially if a coach is giving you rules, because that's not really coaching. Coaching is finding what works for you. So keep pursuing that, and remember that will take some patience, but it will mean lifelong lasting change. Okay? I want to give you at least one example. I've done so much research over change to get this series going, and I don't want to bore you with pages, I just wanted you to get that initial message, and I want to find at least one person that I have that would help you. So I'm kind of rifling through my pages here, and I'm gonna talk to you about Sister Madonna Buter. She is known as the Iron Nun. She began racing at age forty eight, okay? So that was midlife, especially when she started. Midlife seems to be getting older and older. But she didn't even start running until age forty-seven, okay? So the Iron Nun, Sister Madonna Buter, was born in July nineteen thirty. So she's what, ninety-five years old? Help me with the math. And she's still active in athletics. Sister Buter holds the record as the oldest woman to ever finish an Iron Man. You know, that's the one where they go great, great distances and do the biking, the swimming, the running. And at eighty-two, she has created a legacy over time to inspire dozens of age groups. Okay, and many have been created above age fifty in her honor. Okay. Her participation has slowed, of course, and her interviews that I was able to find as recent as 2021 show that she's still swimming, biking, and training. This is the important part that I want to share with you as we close today. Sister Butter, the Iron Nun, said The only failure is not to try because your effort in itself is a success. Her transformation wasn't career braced like we've talked about, it was identity expanding who she wanted to be and would grow into, would develop into over time. And that stoked an inner fire, not an external ambition for recognition by others, although certainly she achieved that as well. So again, your identity, what do you want to be, and how can we together in this podcast or even as me coaching you can get that done for you? Again, she said your effort in itself is a success. Don't judge your effort, don't worry if it's not like everyone else's. In fact, you should be very proud if your effort in itself has some failures that you learn from and makes you feel proud that you are still able to be yourself, to do it your way without guilt, perfectionism, or concern. Again, I am Lori Adams, and I would like to share with you the opening of your eyes and mind to new possibilities to reinvent your second act of your life. Do something different, try something new, think outside of the box. Your unique story of renewal is authored beautifully by you. Let's edit it together so you'll never want to put your storybook down. I can't wait to see how your 2025 transformation tale unfolds with the utmost fulfillment. I do love podcasting here, but I love even more working with women like you as your own individual life coach to reclaim your potential and reach for whatever midlife goal plus means the most to you without distractions, with individual guidance, and with an understanding by me of what will work best for you. If you want to come work with me one on one, and I hope you do, just send an email to hello at laurieadamscoaching dot com and schedule a no pressure conversation Q ⁇ A with me about individual coaching. We'll explore the goals that has eluded you most, including weight loss, and I always say that because so many people want that, if that's the most important one for you. The story of you deserves what you want now and in the future. To keep the transformational information coming each week, please follow FireUp at fifty five plus wherever you download your podcasts, and if on Apple, share a review and a star worthy rating. It's much appreciated.